BECOMING A MOTHER

Welcome back to my blog!

I hope you had a lovely weekend and you managed to get out in the sunshine, it is always nice to try to make the most of this beautiful weather, when we get it is not it, because it changes so quickly! Going forward this week, I felt that it was only fitting that I go with the flow and do today’s blog on becoming a Mother.

So as I go through my stages of becoming a mother, I hope they are relatable or a learning curve to your experience as mummy or a mummy to be.

So how does it feel, becoming a mother?

It is quite scary isn’t it and that is because of the unknown, not knowing what we will like as a mum, there is the self-doubts on whether we will be able to raise our child/children right or whether we will be able to support them, the way they need.

You know, I was around 8 weeks, when I found out I was pregnant. I was feeling sick for a few weeks and did not think anything of it, until my boss said; I think you should go and checked out, so I did. All the way to the doctors, I was so nervous, thinking all sorts and as I already mentioned, I’m an over thinker, so my anxiety kicked in really quickly and I was thinking all sorts;

How my will my boyfriend react?

What are my parents and my in-laws going to think?

What will he or she look like?

Will I be able to keeping him or her safe?

Am I ready for this?

You know, it is funny, how many thoughts can go through our minds, for a situation that is unknown and I have realised that the question, we always ask ourselves, is, are we ready?

Are we ever ready for a new change? I do not think we will ever be ready for a change, because there are so many things to consider, but the one of the most important factors, I have learnt on this journey, for mental wellness, is to take each day as it comes. Having this human grow inside me, made me realise even more, how valuable and how precious life is. From the moment, I received the confirmation; all I could think about was keeping him safe (not that I knew then, it was a boy). His safety was my main priority, from the beginning until delivery and making sure that I was eating the right foods, for his health and growth, whilst trying not to eat too much.

There is always that story about eating for two; but when I think about it, I did not go through the phase of wanting to keep eating, but only to eat enough. Why?

Because there is always the topic of weight and having to be the ideal weight, in order to ensure that our babies grow healthily and that as Mothers, we will be able to carry our child/children and deliver to the best of our abilities. Yes sometimes this can cause a hindrance, but sometime that mental strain is a bit too much.

You know, I am not exactly as slim as I used to be! Therefore, when there was the mention of being overweight, it hurt right. I knew that I was not at my healthiest weight and always put myself down for that change. However, I had to try and not let it get to me because, I knew that every emotion that I was to feel, were being enhanced at this stage, because of all the new hormones and I also knew, it could cause an effect on the baby. What I found tricky, was the morning, afternoon and evening sickness!

Yep this one, kept me on my toes, this little one, was not having any of it, no matter what time of the day it was! As funny as it sounds, I did enjoy the sickness, because it gave me this sense of security, knowing that my little one was growing and as long as something stayed down, I was content. In addition, I was not looking to gain any further weight and surprisingly, I done quite well; because, my clothes did not change size, I remained very active AND I actually lost a bit of weight, according to my bra measurements, so you can imagine, how thrilled I was! So you see, everything we go through is like a river, because not matter which way we sail, there will always be a flood of mixed emotions, such as baby movements!

Once the kicking stage happens (which is usually around 16-24 weeks), ah it was the best feeling in the world, very weird to look at, but such a blessing to feel and to see, because that alone would put me at ease. However, whenever, there were a quiet stage, I would jiggle my belly and then he’d react or my sister would. She had this little thing about jiggling my belly, so we would see him move, or when I was in the bath, I remember my sister pouring the water over me and to see the way he moved was amazing. It is crazy to think, that they have space to do all that they do! Babies are truly beautiful!

Do you know what else was weird was the sleeping, because, I am so used to curling up into a ball at night, it felt strange. As he started growing, I had to figure out which way to sleep safely and comfortably, because the professionals recommend that we sleep on the left side and it took a bit of getting used to, but after a while, the body becomes used to its routine. I feel that pregnancy truly enhanced my spiritual and mental wellness, because every night and every morning, I would pray that I would be strong enough to carry this little one, right through to the end.

I would pray that I could keep him safe every moment with every fibre of my being and with every passing day, it made me realise my purpose. Because sometimes we just go through life, not knowing which direction to take or where we are going to end up, but I believe pregnancy definitely made me wake up and understand, that being here as a mum, is what I was born to be. It’s taught me, that there is no perfect mum; just a learning mum, because with every stage and step that we go through, we are constantly learning about ourselves and our little one’s need, from their feeding, sleeping, changing, clothing, routine and education, to our nurturing, patience, love, stability and growth . We just have to believe that no matter went on in our past; who we are as Mothers now, is the most important lesson in life and being the best we can be, to our child/children, is what they need.

I will say that last phrase again, we need to be the best we can be, is what they need, because our babies do not know the difference, between a good mum and a great mum, they just see a mum. We know this view changes as they grow, but in the meantime, how do we be, the best we can be?

One way, is to look after our environmental wellness. Sometimes we do not realise how our environment effects the way we go through motherhood, especially being a new mother. There will always be people who try to help and sometimes, we feel that we are being criticised about our parenting and this is not the case, because sometimes as new mothers, we just need to accept the help.

Not because we are not doing great job, not because we are not able to manage, but because we do not realise how overworked we are, until someone steps in and we conk out straight away! Only then we will realise, it is okay to have a little rest because, once we know that the environment and the support network we have is safe, loving and calm, it definitely allows us to feel that we are never alone.

You know, I have learnt and I am still learning that, being around people can make such a positive impact to our environmental wellness. Having that space where we can go for a time out; time out to read a book, to work out, to have a bath (with candles and music), to eat and to sit and relax, are things that we need to embrace and make time for, because having clear and clean spaces, contributes to the way we think and feel.

So to reflect on my first year, which I remember so clearly, it is a truly blessing to be a mother to such a beautiful boy. I still cannot believe that I am a mum, little old me! However, I would not want it any other way. You know, I think back over the first year of Motherhood and it fills me with such contentment, to know that we are here today, healthy and happy. I have to thank my family and friends who supported me and still support me today.

Every word of encouragement and advice is kept close to my heart and I do my best to apply them in every situation. I thank God for providing for us and for sustaining us, on our journey, because one of the challenging moments for me, was my occupational wellness. Returning back to work was a test of anxiety, every day, leading up to the day I knew I had to return to work, I did not want to sleep, I just kept thinking, I do not want to go back to work. I just wanted to stay home and make sure my son was okay.

Although I knew that he had the best dad, aunts, uncles and grandparents, there was this guilt of leaving him. The questions starts to flow;

What if he looks for me?

What if something happens and I cannot get back quick enough?

I knew these was normal emotions and the natural way of thinking. Day one, I left in the morning, giving my hugs, kisses, doing my prayers and as I left, I find myself tearing up, walking to the train station and bear in mind the station was less than 5 minutes from the house, I looked at my phone multiple of times, to see if I had an updates from the hubby. There was none, but it was something I couldn’t control, so I had to distract myself by listening to music, by thinking positive and then making myself think positively, but telling myself, I would be going back to my baby and that’s what got me through the day.

Photo by Rodnae Productions

What also got me through work, was having a supportive network, my colleague and my friend, kept checking in on me and giving me that extra reassurance that he is fine. You know, it is so important to be an occupational environment that creates a positive impact on our well-being. Having that colleague, that friendship and effective communication at work, can make such a big difference to our personal lives. I did restrict myself, with talking about Ky, not because I wasn’t proud, but sometimes certain topics are left unsaid, because you do not know what other parents have gone through. So unless I was asked, I tried to hide under the radar. However, I got asked a lot of questions about him, so I had the opportunity to share my experience, which was a relief, because it allowed me to express my concerns and not be judged, but accepted and encouraged to keep going.

I say, keep going, day by day and to cherish every moment, because they grow so fast before our eyes and as I come to an end of this blog, I just want to say to any soon to be mothers and mothers now;

• You are human

• It is okay to take a break

• You have got this

• You are not alone

• You are doing better than you think

• As long as you have love, love will build a place of nurturing

• No one is perfect

• Every stage, is a learning curve

• Motherhood is the greatest thing and your child/children are the most precious gifts to have in this world.