WHAT MAKES RAISING A BOY, SO SPECIAL TO ME

What makes raising a boy special to me?

When I look out on the world, I see that there’s so much pushing and pulling, with the young males in our communities. Some not knowing where to go, some being pulled back into places they are unable to control and some thriving, yet they are not recognised. It does fill my heart with so much compassion, when I see what they have to go through. There are young men, who do not have anyone to turn to and young kids being stripped of their innocence and it’s so sad, to know that this world may not always be the best it can be.

So when I look at my son, I am always swept away and I am consumed with so many emotions. From the moment, I knew he was growing inside of me, I knew that I had to do everything in my power to keep him safe and now that he is here, all I think about; is keeping him as safe, as happy, as loved and as cared for, as I possibly can, without taking away his independency and personality. That’s all we want right, to keep our kids safe, to show them the right way of life, without taking away who they are?

I know that I am not able, to be by his side each and every moment, but in my presence; he is my priority, he is my main focus, because he is my world and the life I never knew I needed. I know that when I am with him, the advice and the way I speak to him should be constructive and not degrading. Whether we realise it or not, what we speak into our children's lives will affect how they grow mentally.

Think about a time when you were young and an adult put you down. It is not a nice feeling is it? So we need to be the ones to break that generational difference.

When I am with him, it’s important to give him the following;

1. Quality Time

Spending time with our child/children is so important. Not only do we get to understand who they are, but they also get an understanding of who we are. Not just as parents, but also as individuals, because there is that connection on a deeper level. So when I have that quality time with my son, I want him to get to know me, not just as mummy but also as someone who had a life before he came, but very much cares, adores and loves him, like no other.

2. Attention

Attention is such a powerful tool in a relationship and especially with a child, because it is the act of understanding one another’s request of communication. It shows him, that I am taking an interest and taking into consideration the things that he is doing and saying and then respond in a wholehearted way. When he sees I am focused on him, he will feel more appreciated and know that he is being heard, not just listened to, because those are two different things, whether we realise that or not.

3. Security

The outside world is full of so many distractions and influences, but the most important thing I can do as a Mother; is to let my son know that the place that he sleeps in and wakes up in is safe. That he is surrounded by love and parents who want the best for him and who are trying their best to provide him the security and the stability that he needs. This form comes through emotional support, spiritual healing, mental awareness and physical understanding. With every aspect, the feeling of security is understood and met.

4. Affection

Affection! My four year old think he’s too grown for affection. Excuse me, I don’t think so! Every opportunity I get, I am reaching for my kisses and my hugs. No matter how hard he pulls away, because I want him to know that affection means;

• That because he’s a boy, he shouldn’t be allowed to show his feelings or hide from affection

So when I’m holding his hands, or rushing for a kiss or saying I love you! It’s because I mean it and it’s because I want him to feel free to express his emotions and communicate that with me (not like he’s afraid to ha!) But I want him to feel encouraged in regards to his purpose in life, his identity, his role and to understand who he is surrounded by. Affection is the gateway to a healthy development and relationship. Of course, I understand, that if he really doesn’t want hugs or kisses (especially when he’s with his friends) I respect that also!

There is so much more that we can give our children and most importantly, what our children can give us. Evermore so, our sons. They are stars, surrounded by a place, which doesn't always allow opportunities. They are in a place, where the streets become their families. They are in a place, where what they think is love, is somewhat toxic. So we need to be the role models, that they deserve. We need to be the ones, that can influence them positively. Sons are our pride and mine is my bundle of joy, so lets make a way, for our Kings.

One of my favourite quotes from Maya Angelou, sums this up perfectly.

“Children are the only people we want so much without knowing who in the world they're going to be”

I hope you found this insightful!

Comment below and let me know what needs you think are important, that I have missed. xx